“Does she ever think to thank me?”

Men and women have very different emotional needs in a relationship. Women need love through emotional and physical attentiveness and intimacy. Men need love too but for them love is synonymous with Respect. Of course, all healthy relationships need mutual respect. Men however, feel so much more valued, important and empowered when a woman gives him respect.
It helps them to feel better about themselves, it pushes them to work harder to achieve, they begin to feel more valued, and interestingly, your respect makes them want to do more. Does this sound simple? It is, and it works.
Since women have infiltrated the professional world, and can be fiercely independent, often they overlook or don’t want to provide this needed respect. Many of the couples I see in therapy have this underlying issue. Very often, the husband just doesn’t feel needed or respected for his role, and his role as a man is overlooked. Recently, a man stated to me in session: “You know, I know my wife works hard and she earns, but damn it would be nice once in awhile if she told me that she appreciated how much “I” earn or how hard “I” work and and how much she appreciates when she goes to the grocery store, and doesn’t have to look at the prices, like the money just magically is there”. Unlike men, women require much more emotional sustainment, yet a simple demonstration or verbalization of respect toward your man once in a while goes a long long way. As I always say to my female clients who are often resistant to this idea, ” Hey, can you put your pride aside and throw him a bone once in while? tell him he’s a good provider that you appreciate how hard he works. Let him have some control over big decisions, and help him feel like a man”. When they do follow my suggestion it’s transformational. As I stated, lots of women don’t want to put their pride aside. “But I work hard too, I don’t need to hear that why should I tell him that, what about my needs?” Because it’s what he NEEDS that’s why. You need to snuggle, you need to hear your attractive, you need flowers or gifts or cards, texts, phone calls. He needs this. Provide it. It takes very little of your emotional energy to do this.
And by the way, if you can say something positive in front of others, that’s a cherry on the top. He will feel like a King, stronger, unstoppable, and will WANT to do more for you and be happier in your relationship. So ladies, tell your man he’s great. Complement him on his abilities. When he does something that demonstrates good judgment tell him! Show him Respect. The love you need will come, and you will find that you will happier as well.

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