The Bedroom…Keep it Sacred

I think there is way too much going on in bedrooms nowadays that has nothing to do with sleeping, sex, or intimacy. When you have a stirred up conversation or a fight and things are said that are hurtful, they are often said while in bed or in the bedroom. TV’s are blaring at night and eyes are glued to a TV series or game, or a movie, not in a neutral area but in the bedroom.
We fall asleep with the TV on or each person has cell phones or iPads in their hands before bed while in bed. Why are we looking at screens instead of looking at and talking to each other? Not only does looking at a screen before bedtime stimulate your brain and make it harder to fall asleep, (hear that parents?) but it takes us away from each other. We are loosing our our emotional connection to one another. What happened to laying with each other before bed and talking? I say bedrooms are for 3 things: Sleeping, Sex, and Intimacy.

When we use our scared space for experiences that pull us away from one another our relationship slowly unravels quietly behind the sound of humming technology. Bedrooms need to be shrines to our safe, quiet, calm, loving place that harbors us at night and holds us safely together. When couples frequently fight in a bedroom, negative vibes become attached to the bedroom. It becomes another place of tension or anxiety.

I always tell my couples: talk in the kitchen, go outside for a walk, sit on a deck or porch, or even go into a den.
Bedrooms are for sleeping and peace.
It’s one of the few places we have to escape in our lives and our homes to take refuge. Invest in high thread count sheets and nice pillows and look at each other.

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5 thoughts on “The Bedroom…Keep it Sacred”

  1. Oh! Oh! Oh! The amount of times I’ve said this one! Technology is great but we are losing each other. There was a time when there were blackouts in the UK and I vaguely remember families had to make their own entertainment, so there were inclusive family games and long chats, even story telling into the night. Fabulous, human and soulful.

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  2. I think that the bed is for sleep and sex! Intamacy should happen well before the bedroom. I think the reason technology is so prevalent in the bedroom is because we are so connected. In my opinion if we are waiting for the bedroom to be intimate we are losing. We should be creating healthy tension between each other all day long. When we call to say I love you, random texts during the day to show we luv or are into you. I believe the bedroom is where the tension gets released in an emotional explosion, most call it making love.

    When my brain wants to do mindless activities any thing that makes me have to think is frustrating and when we’re frustrated we say things we don’t mean, do things we don’t want to do, simply because we don’t want to be thinking. When you’re looking at the phone you’re strolling through facebook, twitter, maybe even youtube, none of those require thinking. If I’m in the bed reading I have to focus more there than I would if I was any where else. I use reading to unwind and the imagery from the book gives me a great place to start my nightly vacation, some call dreaming. Thoughts?

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    1. You know reading is fine. I think for me the overall issue is that we don’t pay attention to one another anymore. It’s about out phones, our pads, checking email, getting lost in FB, games, etc.
      what you said about the bedroom being about sleeping and sex is true.
      With one exception; intimacy. You mentioned you start ” outside” the bedroom so true. Please keep in mind though, as women we need holding, affection, touch and soft loving conversation WITHOUT the expectation that sex is the agenda.
      Woman often push their men away when they know he is being effusive or affectionate because we know he wants sex. This is a tough concept for men to get use to. Being intimate in the bedroom does not always mean being sexual. There is a huge difference.

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  3. Exactly! My wife and I have gotten so caught up in being in our own worlds at night. Working from our laptops or smartphones, social media, etc.
    it’s built a wall between us. And our sex life has suffered which is hard for me.
    I’m forwarding this to her. Thanks Theresa

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