Category Archives: relationships

Number Two

 

The one you love. Kissing, Hugs, Cuddling and overall physical affection release oxytocin,

a hormone that makes you feel HAPPY and decreases

depression. It also keeps you emotionally

connected and maintains intimacy with your partner.

 

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“The Truth is…

..Everyone is going to hurt you,
You just got to find the ones worth suffering for” Bob Marley

William James once said
“Wisdom is learning what to overlook”.
Yet when we are in a relationship with a person we love so much how do we know exactly what to overlook or when to step up or put the breaks on?
If something is hurting us, do we overlook it as something that may be Insignificant or inconsequential?
Is it transient? Or do we convince ourselves we are being loved, so it’s ok? And very often that really seems like a fair trade.
Do we allow ourselves to get in so deep that when the door closes behind us, and we find ourselves in menacing places, or even being in situations that we would normally make an effort to avoid what do we do? Hope it’s not there with the new morning sun?
Does “crazy” look the same when you love someone then when you aren’t involved? How does love enslave us to a point where we loose our sense of self? Or better, our sense of what love is or should be for us? Do we deserve better?
Chaos, lies & deceit, rejection, broken hearted hurt can so easily be intertwined that sometimes, we just can’t find the end of the string. Where does the love end and the hurt begin? Is it love at all ? Do we call it love because it is what we know love to be?

Sometimes our hearts want to be loved and held so close that we often take risks against our better judgement. Then suddenly we feel,
we are randomly dumped alone in a dark place with nothing but ourselves and our seething pain to keep us company. We have no idea how we got there or how to compartmentalize the pain and figure out how to find our way back. You may have found yourself in a situation such as this. Your hurting but somehow the hurt isn’t as bad as the love you feel on the other side. So you decide not to get out.

You tell yourself it’s ok while in between you find yourself immobilized by fear confusion combined with passion mixed with disappointment and sadness. Then the tears come that no one sees. The knots in your stomach, the laying awake at night wondering if it’s real love or maybe something is wrong here. Then we stay, knowing full well where we are headed and what’s coming.
How is it that our little tiny hearts over take our big brains every time? We all have experience in these matters we just choose not to use our brains. We just don’t want to. Knowing full well in the end we will crack or break and suffer and create more pain.

Does love or loneliness have the power to move us into places we never thought we would be?
Some of the chaos is familiar and although exasperating at times we continue in the relationship
because we love that person. LOVE.
The pain we feel doesn’t outweigh the pleasure we feel. And as I always say;

when the pain or angst or sadness begin to take up MORE space in your
heart then the love, happiness & warmth it’s time to consider letting go.

If you don’t you may find that you eventually burn one another out fighting
about things that don’t really matter.
One will get broken hearted and loose what they tried so very hard to keep.
The love
The whiteness
The feeling that no one else or nothing else matters.
Love takes us and we are more then happy to oblige.
Because that’s all anyone ever really wants. And somehow even in the darkness we convince ourselves it was all worth it. Because if even for a little whIle we floated. It found us. We experienced it. We felt happy. We belonged.
Even while our brain was screaming at us we closed the window, plugged our ears and just floated.

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What I have learned..

(Thank you Maya Angelou for the inspiration)

I have learned that someone can love you more then you know, without having to show you in the ways you always want.

I have learned that it doesn’t matter how good you look,
if the person you want to notice, doesn’t

I have learned that everyone has a breaking point, no matter how strong they are

I have learned no matter how good something tastes, how lovely something is or how cozy something feels, it’s just not as enchanting unless the one you love is enjoying it with you

I have learned that the bond of true love and soul mates cannot ever really be broken, no matter how many people try to make it so, or how many tragedies occur

I have learned that when you think you are in your deepest despair,
you can go even deeper then you ever thought possible

I have learned that love is fragile gift, and if you are luckily enough for someone to give it to you, cherish it, protect it, and put it first, before anything.

I have learned that you don’t always get a second chance at everything and anything and that making the pain worth something changes you for the better

The New Lepers. Policed Nation

British doctors voted last week to ban cigarettes for anyone born after the year 2000 in Britain. Brilliant! Apparently, this is a first big step in an overall initiative to make Britain FREE of tobacco within the next 20 years. Britain has been able to enforce NO SMOKING in public, and also banning smoking in any automobile carrying a child. The US has cracked down on smokers as well. No smoking in public, no smoking in restaurants or bars, and It is common place in the DC Metro area to see signs that display “no smoking within 50 feet of this building” around town centers, office areas, shopping malls, as well as doctor, dentist offices and movie theaters.
There are many new snappy apartment buildings going up that have a strict no smoking policy. This means if you live there your not even permitted to smoke in your apt, on the roof or anywhere near the building.
Where do the smokers go?
I remember the days of smoking in airplanes, airports, with coffee in restaurants, while at work (and this was great if you worked in a psychiatric hospital), in taxi cabs, even in malls in designated areas.
A friend of mine who is a smoker, told me a story that happened to her recently. She was in a gas station/store buying cigarettes. When she was at the counter, a very robust heavy set woman in line behind her with a handful of hostess snacks, candy bars, and soda blurted out sarcastically to her ” you know smoking those will kill you, you really shouldn’t buy them”.
Now before I tell you how my friend replied, I should tell you she’s a thin well built attractive woman, who takes no prisoners when you start in on her about her smoking. Her doctor, her family, her friends, her clients, are always lecturing her about her smoking and her need to quit. She hates that she smokes. Telling a person who smokes they should not smoke Is like telling a fat person ” hey you really shouldn’t be buying that hostess cupcake it’s going to contribute to your obesity” a fat person knows they are fat, no one needs to tell them “hey you need to loose weight”. My friend looked at the woman and said ” I won’t buy my cigarettes if you dont buy your handful of goodies”. The women was appalled at her, I’m not sure why, clearly they both struggle with an addiction.

The smoker has become the chosen shunned leper. They hide outside in snow and rain to catch that much needed drag at lunch or after a meeting. You will find them outside of restaurants, and court houses, “away from the building” commiserating with other smokers. I get it. No one wants second hand smoke. However, I think it’s getting a bit out of hand. I guess the thought is that if we keep the smokers from smoking everywhere, even outside, maybe they will smoke less and it will decrease the national cancer rates and health problems. What do you suppose is next? Controlling alcohol consumption at bars and restaurants to prevent drunk driving or alcoholism? Or what about having a ban on sugar for anyone 25 lbs or more overweight?
No cookie for you.
Well people that are overweight don’t hurt others you might say? Obesity is yet another national health problem.
Obesity impacts our insurance rates, our medication costs, and many healthcare costs as well.
I’m not bashing obese people or bashing smokers. I just wonder if we are becoming an overly policed nation.
Good for Britain for tackling such a huge health problem. I wonder, do you think that plan would work in the US? That anyone born after 2000 (starting at age 14) was told they “may not smoke” It would be followed?
We as Americans, who love excess to the point of self destruction at times, don’t do well with our personal rights being infringed upon, what do you think?

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Anger…

Bottled up beneath the cover
waiting for release,
anger builds itself inside slowly
piece by piece
it may sometime give warning
by a firmly clenching fist,
or release itself less slowly
through the mind until it twists
without addressing anger’s wrath
trouble soon provokes,
some may feel that life’s no good
and simply is a joke
don’t let anger run your life
inside of you it feasts,
It will eat you up so slowly
daily piece by piece.

theresa perfetto ®
1980

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Loss.

I miss the comfort of your embrace
I miss waiting for your calls
that never came
I miss the excitement of planning things that we never did
I miss waiting to see you each day those days lifted my heart but for only for a second,
as I never got to see you at all.
Each night I spent in quiet isolation, in death, only to unravel myself in the dark, knowing loneliness would be my only companion. The layers I put around your going grew thin.
Each morning I added new layer to myself with the sunrise,
All the time knowing my quiet desolation would be my only partner once more. As the moon grew bright and full and the light shed only enough for me to notice that I was in the same spot with the same darkness, waiting for a new hope that never came.

I will miss missing you.

theresa perfetto®

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