What is really good for me? What is really good for you? Is it what makes us happy or does most of our contentment come from within if we work hard at it and all the other good stuff is just extra?
Go into your heart, pull out the weeds, clear the brush, break down the walls and look at what’s in there what is it?
Is it love? Is it fear? Is it shame or maybe there a gaping hole that’s always being filled by things that we think gratify us. Maybe those things we put in the hole, if we have one, are the things that keep us apart from at least some of the joy and happiness we desire for ourselves.
What is it that makes us feel fulfilled?
Is our work? Does it come from being a good parent or spouse? Is it having a sense of mastery over something important and gives us feelings that just maybe we are making a dent in some small or significant way in our world?
Go into your head clear the chatter,
Stop the thinking, don’t try to hear, just wait and listen.
Listen to you. Your talking by the way, your dreams your aspirations, the flashes of happiness or even sadness we might see before we fall asleep at night. Our thoughts when we hear a song that swells our heart, or when the sun warms our face.
Just listen you will know.
Listen to your feelings, your images,
your dreams, the things you doodle when your not thinking, heed to your senses, does something move you inside,?
What exactly is the expression of our own authenticity?
That is our power source. Not money or position, or status. It is you.
It is me.
What is really good for us? What makes us truly happy?
Don’t expect to have sex with your woman if your fighting, and/or she doesn’t feel emotionally close to you or your not tending to her emotions by listening.
You may get a few romps in, but most women, not all, simply don’t want to have sex if they are angry,
pre occupied, upset or feel distance from you.
Solution: INTIMACY ❤️
Lay with her, talk, ( and please also about things she is interested in and it only has to be for a few minutes) hold hands, rub her back,stroke her hair.
BUT DO NOT attempt to have sex with her at this juncture!
I have heard and from woman of all ages “When he holds me or when I try to be affectionate to get emotionally close he expects to have sex, so I just kind of push him away and tell him ” Umm we are not having sex” .
You want sex?
Learn to talk, practice holding hands, looking at her with loving eyes, ask how she is, play together, this builds intimacy which creates awesome sex.
If a woman feels important to you and loved and listened to, she will want to please you and want to be pleased.
Good sex starts with our biggest organ our brain.
Listening . It means SO much MORE then “repeating back” the words the other person has verbalized . It is an act of getting outside yourself, putting your feelings aside, your erroneous thoughts aside, like the grocery list, a call you need to make, your sweater is itchy, etc. we all know when someone isn’t “really” listening don’t we?
Be present emotionally, be honest, about it. And please have good eye contact, & body language, share your support by asking what the person needs to feel supported and what they need what can you do? ASK.
What you and I need may be very different from what Mr A needs or Mrs X needs. One person might want a hug. Someone else might simply appreciate you asking and that’s enough. Another may need you to demonstrate verbal support by telling them something hopeful.
If you don’t know what to say try, fake it. The words are not as important as the energy behind the intent and your sincerity. And most people? They can tell if you give a damn. I hear it everyday. Doesn’t matter what you say or do. If you really aren’t emotionally present, they feel it. And if you grew up in a home where there was alcoholism, emotional abuse, or mental illness, you can bet you have what I call A
“Super Power”. A keen instinctual ability to lock on to bullshit. And 99% of the time be right about your gut.
More on that later…
Relationships, friendships, marriages, sibling relationships, co workers and even potential employers are all impacted by your presence, or lack of.
Listening isn’t just being able to repeat the words. It’s making a connection to someone who has reached for you. It’s real, its about THEM. NOT you. Be a good listener. Don’t give advice, or judge, or make a new campaign to “help them” fix unless they ask.
Just listen. Control your need to fix. Just listen. Let a little silence occur in the conversation it’s ok, that’s a moment, your there with them. Your present. And when your present you have given them the best gift ever. You. It doesn’t get any better then that.