Asides

Rough Edges

On Loss

When it happens, there is never a pill strong enough, a sleep deep enough, or a distraction long enough to take away the pain and ache of loss. 
There is no completion to grief. After a while we learn to love it and embrace it because after awhile, it becomes part of who we are. Grief is a part of love, it is loves underbelly. It’s the jagged edges of our day and the dark part of town we are afraid to walk through at night. The deeper we love the more pain of loss. It is truly a testimonial to our own legacy that we have truly loved, and loved deeply. 

Do One Thing.

The world around us is unraveling. People are unraveling. We don’t feel safe anymore. Protests, senseless mass murders, terrorism, the ongoing turbulence and mistrust of our law enforcement, the increase in gun sales, workplace violence, and corruption in many of our religious
and spiritual communities. And even our places of worship have become targets for deranged and misdirected violence.
Our leaders have become weaker, our economy has become overburdened and our dollar has become worth less and less. Which forces us to work even harder and longer. Will we ever get relief or change?  Or will it only become worse.

Have we been so busy observing mankind loose his mind that we have lost site of our enormous sense of responsibility and power as individuals? The small things that we can do that become ripples into large change? It’s time for us as people, as community members, as employees, as students, as young adults, as families, worshipers, as non believers, and as humankind to create a change. WE are the world. WE are what determines whether we choose anger and isolation from one another or to choose love and kindness in our actions or reactions. Only we can stop the madness. WE are the answer.

I believe in us.
Try this. Do one kind thing today for another person. If everyone would do just one nice thing for another person once a day or even once a week imagine the impact.

To do nothing is to decide to relinquish  control to all of the evil and chaos around us to the haters.
Hold a door open for someone, buy the persons coffee behind you in line, say hello and make eye contact with someone who looks distressed, let that person in your lane when your driving instead of pretending you dont see them. If you see someone standing in the rain, offer them an umbrella. As a nation being kind to another came naturally after 9-1-1 thats just who we are, and no amount of terriorism will ever disrupt the soul of this country.

Love can change everything. Believe it.

Toss the Mask..

Do you wear a mask? What do you not want others to know about you? This gets to the center of your fears and insecurities. Everyone, yes everyone has baggage. Things they struggle with or things that make them feel poorly about themselves. Some are better at hiding then others, some ignore it and their issues end up “leaking” out in other ways in their behavior or through an addiction. It takes a tremendous amount of emotional energy to hide parts of oneself. Especially the things that bring us shame. It keeps us isolated, afraid and often left to feel very alone. Our perceptions can become distorted about how we see others and ourselves. It really becomes a lot of work and makes life so much harder on us.
When we hide who we really are, it keeps others from truly loving us. It keeps us at a distance from others and that prevents us from having and developing closeness and intimacy. When you do something you feel was an error in judgement or a mistake acknowledge it, talk about it, be open about it, but don’t hide it. Own it.
You will feel “cleaner” emotionally, not only because you were honest with yourself but you addressed it and you took the step to share it with someone. Those who truly belong in your life and love you will see the mistake you made but more importantly they will see you, more then the mistake itself. Everyone has problems everyone makes mistakes, and everyone has things to work on its just part of being human. Acknowledging it and working on it separates the wheat from the chaff. Be who you are. Let people you care about see you.
Toss the mask, your worth it.

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“The Truth is…

..Everyone is going to hurt you,
You just got to find the ones worth suffering for” Bob Marley

William James once said
“Wisdom is learning what to overlook”.
Yet when we are in a relationship with a person we love so much how do we know exactly what to overlook or when to step up or put the breaks on?
If something is hurting us, do we overlook it as something that may be Insignificant or inconsequential?
Is it transient? Or do we convince ourselves we are being loved, so it’s ok? And very often that really seems like a fair trade.
Do we allow ourselves to get in so deep that when the door closes behind us, and we find ourselves in menacing places, or even being in situations that we would normally make an effort to avoid what do we do? Hope it’s not there with the new morning sun?
Does “crazy” look the same when you love someone then when you aren’t involved? How does love enslave us to a point where we loose our sense of self? Or better, our sense of what love is or should be for us? Do we deserve better?
Chaos, lies & deceit, rejection, broken hearted hurt can so easily be intertwined that sometimes, we just can’t find the end of the string. Where does the love end and the hurt begin? Is it love at all ? Do we call it love because it is what we know love to be?

Sometimes our hearts want to be loved and held so close that we often take risks against our better judgement. Then suddenly we feel,
we are randomly dumped alone in a dark place with nothing but ourselves and our seething pain to keep us company. We have no idea how we got there or how to compartmentalize the pain and figure out how to find our way back. You may have found yourself in a situation such as this. Your hurting but somehow the hurt isn’t as bad as the love you feel on the other side. So you decide not to get out.

You tell yourself it’s ok while in between you find yourself immobilized by fear confusion combined with passion mixed with disappointment and sadness. Then the tears come that no one sees. The knots in your stomach, the laying awake at night wondering if it’s real love or maybe something is wrong here. Then we stay, knowing full well where we are headed and what’s coming.
How is it that our little tiny hearts over take our big brains every time? We all have experience in these matters we just choose not to use our brains. We just don’t want to. Knowing full well in the end we will crack or break and suffer and create more pain.

Does love or loneliness have the power to move us into places we never thought we would be?
Some of the chaos is familiar and although exasperating at times we continue in the relationship
because we love that person. LOVE.
The pain we feel doesn’t outweigh the pleasure we feel. And as I always say;

when the pain or angst or sadness begin to take up MORE space in your
heart then the love, happiness & warmth it’s time to consider letting go.

If you don’t you may find that you eventually burn one another out fighting
about things that don’t really matter.
One will get broken hearted and loose what they tried so very hard to keep.
The love
The whiteness
The feeling that no one else or nothing else matters.
Love takes us and we are more then happy to oblige.
Because that’s all anyone ever really wants. And somehow even in the darkness we convince ourselves it was all worth it. Because if even for a little whIle we floated. It found us. We experienced it. We felt happy. We belonged.
Even while our brain was screaming at us we closed the window, plugged our ears and just floated.

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